Loss

Christmas is almost here. Before, it was always my favorite time of year. Today, it is something to get through.

In September we lost our 7 month old Grandson Jeremiah. In November I lost my ability to walk and sleep. I am in constant pain.  The tears are always there just behind the eyes or shamelessly flowing. I don't go out much. It hurts too much and makes others uncomfortable. Even at church, people don't know how to handle me, so I don't go.  I am trying so hard to hold on to faith. To tell myself that the Truth is true, regardless of how I feel.  Because how I feel is a darkness I have never know before. So many emotions grief, sadness, anger, fear...  all so raw and feeling so alone.  I am walking through the Valley of the Shadow... Lord please hold me, let me know that You are with me, because it is so dark I can not see.

Life now

So I am closer to a hip replacement.  My mobility is getting less and less, but I still am fighting to do as much as possible.  I go to the YMCA and take Zumba classes whenever the pain is not too much to overcome.  It's not the same as getting to Bellydance, but it is moving to music and I can do as little or as much as I am able. 

My Honey has a blood clot in his leg again and is back on Cumadin.  It's scary but I know God is good know matter what. He is working at the Union Hall as a Rep now and the stress and hours are a lot!

Rocket will be 3 this June and he is such a blessing.  We go out to the barn 4 times a week and 'play' with the horses.  I don't know what I will do with him this summer.  He is ready to start under saddle but who can ride? Also there is still no great place to work with him at the barn.  Maybe the Lord will provide an answer to these needs?  He is always faithful.

My faith has grown quite a bit over the last year. The Lord is my all and all.