All is Well

All is well.

I love to say that. Of course usually when I say it, it means there is no crisis or conflict, things are good...

but the Lord is teaching me in His loving way what HE means for 'All is Well'. That it is resting in Him, not circumstances that brings peace. And that ~ peace that transends all understanding~ is avalible all the time. In spite of what circumstances may be, in spite of what the world tells me, in spite of the darkest depths of the pit... God is good and ~ All is Well.

getting better...

Well, my little dark angel RoZee seems to be getting better. Thank you Lord! I am hoping that she will continue to get better and that her 'illness' was just another object lesson in, not worrying!

no answers yet

Back from the vet the good news RoZee came home with us, the bad news, $197 vet bill for sedation and x-rays and he has no idea what's wrong with my baby. We now play wait and see... could be a middle ear infection, could get better on it's own, could get lots worse with more symptoms... ugh!

Lord I know you are in control of all things and I will grow Faith flowers and not worry weeds ~ but could we space the trials out just a bit??? I know Your timing is perfect. I am just tired.

James 1 alive and well

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'



Randy called on his way to lay off three of his guys. He will be working the Edmonds job as the Foreman now, no more PM. But, for how long Lord? I will not worry, because You know.



RoZee has something very wrong with her. It started with her eye and now she cannot chew or close her mouth. I am going to take her to the vet when Randy gets home, but I am frightened about what the vet will have to say. But you know Lord, I will trust you.



Love is painful sometimes. But to not feel the pain, means not to feel the love either. Lord I thank you for your truth and the places you are taking us.



It is scary Lord, but I will walk with you.

I am struggling right now.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am all alone. There is no one to take care of me, ask how I am doing, do I need anything. what can they do to help? A life full of demanding 'children' and no one to hear them and respond but me. I get so tired and want to just rest and relax, but I can't get there from here. Because I can't turn off the 'children', mommy mommy mommy, need, need, need, now, now, now! I feel like what about how I feel? Doesn't anyone care? Little things like, you know how much work goes into that lovely dinner you just wolfed down? The buying the food, what's on sale? storing the food, when are we going to use it? planning the meal, what do we have? what do we need? does it need to marinate? clean the dishes to start the cooking, chopping, dicing, mincing, measuring stirring, roasting, basting, boiling, reducing, plating, clear the table of daily whatnots, set the table for dinner, serve the meal, pray, then watch as everyone eats it in 2 minutes and leaves, sit alone finishing my meal, to then it's clear the table of dinner and dishes, put away the leftovers for lunches tomorrow, feed the dogs, load the dishwasher, wash the pots and pans, wipe the counters, sweep the floor... There is always something more that needs to be done, crying out for attention. Do the laundry, pick up dog poop, feed the doves, clean the cage, vacuum the floors, bissell the carpets, clean out that dresser, closet, garage... iron that shirt, mend those pants, oh there's that quilt I started 2 years ago... change the sheets, scrub the toilet, grout the tub, the kitchen needs new paint, cabinets, counter top, dishwasher... From the littlest- pay the bills to the biggest- we need to rebuild the deck, they all clamor in my mind for attention. They never stop and they never politely wait their turn either! Each shouting now, to be heard first and be dealt with...

~~~Deep Breath~Big Sigh~~~

Oh Lord, how do I stay focused on you when I get so lost? Sucked in the mire of 'PoorOverwhelmedME Bog'?

Thank you Lord, that You who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it!

musings...

Great are the joys found in little things.

I find it is so easy to be lured into discouragement. To feel like my prayers are not being heard... to feel like I am not making a difference... to feel insignificant...

But the truth is there is a victory won in each small step! Every moment we stand in the face of the enemy and say, 'No, I will not believe your lies!", is another step toward becoming more like who we are in Christ. It takes courage to pray into a void, believing even when you don't feel it. Choose this day, hour, minute, who you will serve.... falling forward is better than a step back.

Findings my smiles in little RoZee's funny puppy face and in little Annie's contentment, curled up, sleeping on the seat of my big soft comfy recliner.

and the rains came...

Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

We prayed for life to be the epic adventure we believe it could be... should be... is!

Since then it has been, but not as we thought it would be. God is taking us down the bumpy road full of pot holes and glass shards, closer to him. Stripping away the trappings of this world and what we thought was important. Much like the debris littered along the Oregon Trail, a box here, a piano there, to lighten the load or not make it. Our ability to 'pull up our bootstraps' or the illusion that we can just do it ourselves is being scraped from our being. Through these circumstances we are taught the ways of grace...

Oh Lord, how we need you every minute of everyday!

Closer

God disciplines those He loves and He takes us where we would not go...

We are the servants in the Masters House, but also the children of His making. Our sinful nature says, like Lucifer, I want to rule my world!

But God reminds me daily, I have a better way Dear One. You need to trust and believe in Me. For I know the plans I have for you and they may go through the water, but I am here, so walk with me. They may be through the fire, but you will not be set ablaze. I am here. So, my dear child, be still and know that I AM, and I love you.

Battle

Some days '... the ring is so heavy'.

It's starts with the overnight potty patrol, every 2 hours, gotta go, gotta go... Which is uncomfortable but, Oh well?! It's the agony of getting my leg out of bed and then that first step... will it hold? Then the shooting pain! Ugh! During the day it's manageable but at midnight? 2am? 4am? Not so much. Sometimes I feel like my body is just a tool for the enemy to poke at, and he is using a rather large, very sharp stick!

Today, after the final wake up, we have the wanting to exercise and not being able too, the heartburn from the anti-inflammatory meds, the trying to modify my list of the daily chores, realizing that today the stairs will be an issue and how to minimize the trips up and down...

and so it goes.... the battle... the burden...

But I realize that the true battle is for my heart, for the heart is central, and for my perspective, what do I believe? Will I walk? or will I give up and give in. The voices in my head at war with what my Spirit knows is truth. or does it? Faith and courage to stand when the doubts creep in? Is that the sprouting of a root of bitterness? Where is my heart? I am such a weak creature always longing for comfort and rest, I pray for deliverance from the enemy's relentless taunting, but even as the thought comes, I pray that Your will be done Lord, not mine. For better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere. That I may have Your strength through Jesus to stand and continue to walk with You. That is where the true victory lies, not in the life but in the living, that You may be glorified at all times!

Homecoming

Thank you LORD for the blessings in my life and for bringing my Dear One home! As I have my puppy laying at my feet I feel complete again. Gone are the dark images of what might be, and yet there is a tension that was not there before. I look at the yard no longer as a place of safety and security, but as what am I missing? Is there another weakness in the fence? How much time will have to pass before I will feel safe to let her out in the yard again without me watching her every move? Ah, the naked truth of a insecure heart. Forgive me Lord. Let me just rest in Your arms and the Glory that you have worked a miracle once again in my life.

an angel missing

To some, it may seem silly to cry so many tears over a missing dog, but not for me. She is my darling, my RoZee. Literally a 26th wedding Anniversary gift from her mama Little Annie. April 18th 2008. She was born in my bedroom after a very long wait from the first two of the litter. I was there playing nurse and getting in the way. Annie was very patient with me as I clean little RoZee's mouth and made sure she was okay. As she grew, she was the trouble maker, the escape artist, the cry baby, the one who wanted to be with us, not her litter mates... As we found wonderful homes for her one brother and three sisters, we knew she needed to stay with us. We didn't plan the mating, we didn't plan to keep a pup, they just happened and God knew, we needed them to happen. She has been such a delight and I have learned so much from raising her. I have raise pups before, both Jasper and Annie, and our beloved Sir Justin Good Dog, a story in himself, may he rest in peace. But she has always been different, kind of timid and shy, regular training methods didn't work well with her. I had to get creative to learn sit, drop, stay. I also had to learn about God's grace and forgiveness, which looks a lot different at 45 than 25. At 25 you know everything about nothing, by 45 you realize that you really know nothing about everything. World view changes, God view changes, but at least HE doesn't change. God is still as patient with His child as I had to learn to be with RoZee. I pray in His infinite Grace and Wisdom He will bring the little Dear One home to me again. But I know that if that is not in His plan, yet will I Praise Him. "...though none go with me, still I follow, no turning back, I will walk on..."

and other mundane tails...

All life is an adventure. The fact that I wake up every morning is such a surprise to me. Then I move to get out of bed and I get a brutal reminder that yes there is still gravity. As my muscles protest the moving of arthritic hips, I grunt and pray once again for healing. But dogs are waiting for the sing-song 'Good Morning, Good Morning!' followed quickly by "Let's go get busy!' As they make the mad rush down the stairs and out the back door to 'get busy'. Little Miss Annie, Beagle Diva leading the way. She never fails to announce to the world as she passes the french doors, with distinctive Beagle voice, that she is out to greet the day! Daughter RoZee the Beaglador, is quick on her heels as if she might miss something wonderful if she doesn't catch up! Then there is Sir Jasper Love Me, he is never in a hurry. He will just mosey on out the door looking back at me as if to say, "I go out because you ask me, not because I need to" He will wonder the side yard, checking on our 'ladies' and as an afterthought, lift his leg. He is always the first to come in and go back to bed. Sprawling across our king size bed as if he was just waiting for us to get up. The ladies always take a bit longer to find their way in. First they must thoroughly check the yard for what all transpired in the night. With noses firmly stuck to the ground they systematically patrol every inch of ground and will report with voice and tail on all manner of possum, coon or squirrel that dared to trespass while we slept. Eventually they will be satisfied their job is done and go back to bed as well. RoZee happy to find a spot on the bed by my pillow, but Miss Annie ever the Diva, must first pull back the covers on my nicely made king bed, so she can nose her way under, all the way down to the end of the bed, buried under blankets and cocooned in the quiet is where the diva sleeps. I have decided that I am jealous of her, it sounds so peaceful doesn't it?